


sacred new beginnings

by littleluthor



Series: to end up with you [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, First Love, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, They all lived happily ever after, a little smut at the end, based on cornelia street, but not worth tagging explicit, i cried, it's like four lines, they're just very soft and sad ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 08:37:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20703083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleluthor/pseuds/littleluthor
Summary: The clack of Lena Luthor’s heels on the sidewalk seemed to reverberate throughout the whole city as she made her way down the street. Even after three years, despite the broken street lights hampering her vision, she knew exactly where the cracks in the concrete were. She knew which spots were uneven, places that she had to avoid to prevent her heel from buckling. She knew exactly which areas of the path tended to flood a little whenever it rained. She knew the flower vendor who would appear in the daytime on the corner. She still knew her order off by heart for the little hot dog stand by the traffic lights. She knew exactly how many steps there were between her old place and the NCU campus, and she knew where every single one of the coffee shops were on that route.Lena knew this place like the back of her hand, but it didn’t know her. Not anymore.





	sacred new beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> that shit hurted

The clack of Lena Luthor’s heels on the sidewalk seemed to reverberate throughout the whole city as she made her way down the street. Even after three years, despite the broken street lights hampering her vision, she knew exactly where the cracks in the concrete were. She knew which spots were uneven, places that she had to avoid to prevent her heel from buckling. She knew exactly which areas of the path tended to flood a little whenever it rained. She knew the flower vendor who would appear in the daytime on the corner. She still knew her order off by heart for the little hot dog stand by the traffic lights. She knew exactly how many steps there were between her old place and the NCU campus, and she knew where every single one of the coffee shops were on that route.

Lena knew this place like the back of her hand, but it didn’t know her. Not anymore.

She felt like an impostor in a city that had played host to the happiest days of her life. Or at least, Lena had tried to convince herself that the city was home, until now. It wasn’t until she had walked the very streets that she spent her best four years, that her last shred of determination to try and delude herself completely vanished. It wasn’t the streets at all . It wasn’t the city, or the sidewalk, or the flower vendor. Her home hadn’t been any of those things. Her home had been the woman by her side throughout all of it.

Lena swallowed thickly against the sudden onslaught of emotions clawing their way up her throat and threatening to burst free. She was beginning to suspect that she had overestimated her ability to keep herself together as she finally reached her destination.

It felt as though she had been transported back in time as she climbed up the large stone steps and fished around inside of her purse for the keys. It was a set of keys that Lena hadn’t been able to look at for three years - the little polaroid photograph encased in a plastic cover still hung proudly from the chain, but Lena purposely kept it out of her own sight, clasped away in her palm as she slid the key into the lock.

The sudden temperature drop inside the apartment very closely resembled walking into an industrial sized refrigerator as Lena shuffled inside and gently closed the door behind her. The hustle and bustle of the city was immediately drowned out by the sheer heaviness of the air inside.

No one had stepped foot inside of the little apartment for three years, and it was discernible in the musty, damp feel of the whole place. The sheet-covered furniture was barely illuminated in the light cast from moon, standing tall like headstones in a graveyard as the shadows littered the walls. The sound of Lena’s heels echoed loudly as she began to make her way further into the space - the sudden, overwhelming urge to sob still had a vicious grip on her heart.

This place had been her happiness. It was Lena’s own little corner of the world, hidden away from all of the pressures placed on her as a child. This was the place where she had been able to unload her burdens, to just be Lena. It was the first place that she had ever been able to call her own. She had fallen in love within these walls. She had found her own family here. She had spent hours studying for exams, slept through lectures, laughed, cried, just been a teenager for the very first time in her life.

She could still feel the ghosts of slow dance turns on the old scuffed floor. Could hear the laughter reverberating off the walls. The bed stood in the corner right where she had left it, the thick white sheet shielding it from view, but unable to hide away the memories of hours spent tangled between the covers. She knew the couch over by the TV still had a thick, wonky, knitted rainbow blanket draped over the back of it - a blanket that had been made and gifted to her by the same person who’s arms were wrapped tightly around her in the polaroid on her key chain.

Lena knew if she pulled her bed away from the wall she would find an inscription in the wood of the skirting board. A carving that had been done with a pocketknife in the early hours of the morning almost 6 years previously. An inscription that read:

_KD + LL_

_I LOVE YOU_

_TO THE MOON_

_AND BACK_

_ _

Her heart ached indescribably at the thought, and not for the first time, Lena began to question her decision to come back to the city in the first place.

She wasn’t the same person that she had been when she left. Lena’s heart ached for the hopeful, painfully naive, twenty two year old version of herself that had walked out of the very apartment that she was currently standing in. The version of herself who had tearfully kissed her girlfriend goodbye at the airport and had every intention of seeing again as soon as she possibly could. Sure, it wouldn’t have been easy, but neither one of them had been willing to call things off over something as trivial as Lena moving to Metropolis to help her brother with the family business, while Kara remained in National City with a highly sought after internship at Catco Magazine.

Lena had been so excited to finally be able to work alongside her incredibly talented older brother. She had been so eager to finally get her hands dirty in the labs, to be right in the middle of the life-changing technology that was being developed at LuthorCorp.

It hadn’t been easy to leave Kara behind, but her need to help people, to better the word that they were living in to ensure that they had the best future possible, was just enough to get Lena through the nights spent crying over the phone about how much they missed one another.

Things had changed quickly, though. In the blink of an eye, everything that Lena had ever known - everything that she thought she knew - was gone. She had watched her old life implode right before her very eyes.

She was barely a few months in. It had been a completely ordinary Wednesday morning, Lena had gotten her coffee and settled down at her post to start off her work for the day, when things suddenly erupted in the lab. The usually peaceful, relatively quiet work space was suddenly overcome by a wave of people yelling and frantically running around - and it didn’t take her long to figure out why.

The news headline that had flashed across the screen still haunts Lena to this very day.

_LuthorCorp CEO Lex Luthor, self proclaimed ‘man of tomorrow’, launches terrorist attack against City of Metropolis. Number of fatalities currently unknown, but Luthor is believed to be amongst them._

_ _

Lena’s life had never been the same - she had felt it instantly, the sudden divide in which her life would be known as _before_ and_after. _She lost everything in that moment - her once beloved brother, her hopes and dreams for the future, her sense of self.

She had been cuffed and hauled from the lab, tears streaming down her face, into the back of an FBI van like some deranged criminal. Footage of her arrest had been broadcast worldwide and Lena knew that everyone important to her had seen it. She had known in that moment, as she was cuffed to a table and interrogated for hours on end, that she would never put sweet, kind, selfless Kara Danvers through any of this.

Lena wasn’t willing to subject Kara to a life of hatred. One where she would be viewed as less of a person solely because she stuck by Lena’s side - and Lena knew, without a single double, that if given the choice Kara would absolutely stand by her. Kara Danvers was light and love and everything good in the world.

Lena was found innocent in the end, because of course she was. It didn’t change anything, though.

She wasn’t willing to let Kara risk her career, or her quality of life just because she was dragged into a war that had absolutely nothing to do with her in the first place.

No, this was Lena’s burden and Lena’s alone.

In the end, she had written Kara a letter. The thought of seeing her again - of having to look her in the eyes and break both of their hearts - was too much for Lena. She knew the moment that she felt Kara’s arms around her, she would shatter and cave. It was her love for Kara Danvers that eventually gave her the strength to put her first. To make sure that Kara lived a truly good, safe, happy life.

_Kara._

_I love you. I just needed you to know that, first and foremost. _

_I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. _

_This is breaking my heart in so many ways that I can’t even begin to express it. I’m a coward, I know. _

_You deserve more than this letter. You deserve the entire world. You are the strongest, kindest, most beautiful soul that I have ever known and you deserve to live a safe, happy life._

_I can’t give you that. I thought that I could, I really did. And boy, do I wish that I could._

_You have to know that I wanted everything with you, but I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I put you in any sort of danger because of my family._

_You’ve worked way too hard to lose it all over something like this._

_ I won’t let that happen to you._

_I can’t even begin to thank you for loving me._

_ It was the greatest honor of my life and I will carry you with me wherever I go._

_I wish you the entire universe of happiness._

_I’m so incredibly sorry. For everything._

_ Stay safe, and go show the world how incredibly talented you are._

_You were my best four years, Kara Danvers._

_ _

Lena knew that letter like the back of her hand. She had it completely memorized, and it still shattered her heart to this very day. The wave of guilt still regularly threatened to pull her under, and it was growing harder and harder to fight against.

She had thrown herself head first into re-branding LuthorCorp over the last few years, but remaining in Metropolis had just been too much for her to handle. There was a hole in Lena’s heart, the version of herself that she once knew was still aching to return to National City ._To go home._

It hadn’t been an easy decision, and as Lena stood in her old apartment - four years worth of memories hanging in the air before her - she still wasn’t convinced that it was the right one. She hadn’t even been sure about where she would stay when she arrived back in the city. Lena had stepped onto the plane with her necessary documents, the clothes on her back and her handbag - containing her credit cards and keys to her old apartment. All of the important stuff had already been transported to L-Corp awaiting the press conference that would announce the new opening in a few weeks time.

She had known that her old apartment wouldn’t be in a livable state after three years of neglect, but Lena had been drawn to go there anyway. She had faltered under the urge to see it with her own two eyes, to just stand within those walls and take a moment to reflect.

She stood there for what felt like days, allowing the thoughts to come and the tears to fall. She allowed herself to get lost in the memories that she had tried so desperately to fend off over the last couple of years. Lena allowed herself once more, to just be a human in the only place that she was ever able to be one.

* * *

It was mystifying - the way the city seemed to scream Kara’s name.

Lena found herself caught in a haze as the weeks slowly wore on. Every glimpse of a blonde on the street had her heart thumping harshly in her chest. Every time she stepped into a grocery store, or a restaurant, or a cafe, she found herself unintentionally seeking her out. The anxiety that had set up camp inside Lena’s chest was set on never letting her forget where she was, or who she may run into at any given moment.

The launch of Lena’s re-branded company, L-Corp, had gone incredibly well - better than Lena would have ever imagined. People still had their doubts, sure, but the vast amount of death threats that she received on a daily basis had almost completely stopped. Her name was finally in the news for something _good_. __They were incredibly small steps, but they meant the world to Lena. All she ever wanted to be was good, to help people and make life a little easier for those she could.

The day it happened, it actually caught Lena completely off guard.

She was working through a ridiculously large stack of paperwork - projects that needed her approval, final products that she was required to sign off on, updates on their upcoming fundraisers and galas. It was her least favorite part of the job, but unfortunately each document was incredibly important and required unwavering concentration.

She could feel the exhaustion tugging at her eyelids despite the fact that it was still relatively early, and Lena knew there was no way she could get away with calling it a day just yet. She opted instead to take a quick walk to the coffee shop down the street. She assumed it was a relatively new one, she hadn’t ever seen it back when she lived in the city before, but Lena found that it had quickly grown to be her favorite. The staff were always incredibly friendly, the coffee was insanely delicious and she was definitely partial to the cinnamon swirl pastries that called out to her every time she stepped foot in the building.

The late autumn air was just the right amount of chilly to wake her up a little as she stepped out of store and back out onto the street, blissfully warm coffee cup in hand. The pavement was littered with a variety of different colored leaves and Lena internally smiled each time she felt the satisfying _crunch_ beneath her heel. She found herself actively seeking them out as she continued down the street, occasionally sipping her coffee as she kept an eye out for the particularly crunchy looking ones.

She used to do it with Kara, back when they were younger. They would walk down the street towards Lena’s apartment and compete to see who could get the loudest crunch. It had started on their first official date, Kara had bought Lena flowers from the vendor on the corner where her apartment was - a beautifully large bunch of pink cornelia flowers - and they had walked hand in hand, stepping on leaves and giggling away towards a little cafe that Kara had picked out for them.

“You know, I rent a place on Cornelia Street.” Lena had smiled as she gestured to the flowers that Kara had bought, her jacket wrapped tightly round her shoulders to fight off the chill.

“Cornelia Street?” Kara had laughed.

“Oh- I, uh, I call it Cornelia Street.” Lena had admitted, cheeks tinged pink with embarrassment. “The real name sounds so boring. The lady on the corner only sells Cornelias so.. Cornelia Street.”

“I love it.” Kara had assured her, eyes sparkling as she grinned.

Lena had found herself so caught up in the memories that she had completely forgotten to keep an eye on where she was going. She had wrapped herself up in a bubble of strong smelling coffee and crunchy fallen leaves, and it wasn’t until said coffee was splattered on the pavement and strong arms were wrapped tightly around her waist that the bubble popped.

It took her a moment to realize that she had collided with a solid body in front of her and Lena was so startled that she almost fell over.

“Gosh! Oh God I am so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention!” she rushed out the moment that she was steady on her feet. “I-..”

“Lena?”

Her blood instantly ran cold as she processed the voice belonging to the body that she had smashed into. Lena had been preparing herself for this moment for almost a month - or closer to three years, if she was being honest - but she very quickly came to realize that nothing could have actually prepared her for the sight of Kara Danvers in front of her after all this time.

It felt as though she was eighteen again, slowly coming to the realization that she had feelings for her best friend. She was nineteen and so incredibly in love. She was twenty and drunk on the feeling of being loved. She was twenty one and planning a future with the woman in her bed. She was twenty two and her world was flipped upside down.

She was twenty five, and Kara Danvers was standing in front of her.

“I still have your scarf.” Kara blurted out as Lena tried to process what was going on. Her coffee was splattered across the pavement, seeping into the leaves and turning them soggy as she stood rooted to the spot. “The one you left at Alex’s house? I still have it in my drawer.”

“I, uh, I’m sorry.” Lena breathed almost inaudibly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t, um, I should have been paying attention. I didn’t mean-.. Sorry. I’m sorry.”

When Lena was finally able to tear her gaze away from the ground, she felt her breath catch in her throat. All she could think was that Kara looked _incredible._ She still looked like Kara, _her_ Kara, but she had an air of confidence around her that filled Lena with an odd sense of pride. Her hair still curled awkwardly where the leg of her glasses pressed it down on to her face and she still smelled of almost sickly sweet vanilla, but Lena was confident that she had been working out. She looked _bigger_.__ The muscles of her biceps seemed to strain against the sleeve of her jacket and her fitted trousers were doing absolutely nothing in terms of hiding the strong muscles of her thighs.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Kara smiled softly as her eyes slowly scanned over Lena’s face.

“Yes. I really do.” Lena swallowed against the emotion threatening to burst free from her throat, praying to whichever deity was listening to __not __let the absolutely mortifying tears that had gathered in her eyes fall before she had the chance to subtly wipe them away.

“Are you in a hurry?” Kara asked hesitantly, her eyes so full of hope that Lena had to take a deep breath to calm the hurricane of feelings that was currently tearing apart chest.

“I- uh..” She considered her answer for a moment. She __was __in a hurry. She had a ton of work to get through, a stack of papers currently sitting on her desk awaiting her return, but Kara was here and she looked so hopeful and Lena figured at the very least she owed her some of her time.

“I just wanted to buy you a new coffee, if you have enough time to go back for one.” Kara clarified. “You only drink it black when you’re trying to keep yourself awake.”

“I have a little time.” Lena hesitantly nodded her head. “I’ll buy the coffee.”

“Okay.” Kara nodded, smiling softly before she gestured to the sidewalk ahead of them. Lena understood immediately and the two of them took off back down the street, side by side. Her heart was thundering so fast inside her chest that Lena was worried she would get dizzy from the overload of blood currently shooting up to her brain and just topple over. Her hands were shaking as she slipped them up into the sleeves of her jacket in an attempt to hide the mortifying effect the whole situation was having on her. “So, are you alright? It’s not Lena Luthor to be distracted enough to go around smashing into people.”

“I was, uh, I was crunching the leaves.” Lena admitted as her cheeks flushed furiously red.

“Oh.” Kara breathed a laugh as they fell into silence.

The tension was palpable in the air, Lena was almost worried that it had manifested into something that passers-by would physically be able to see. She felt an intense longing, the version of herself that she had tried so desperately to pack up into a little box and bury in the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind was currently trying to claw her way out of her chest.

Her brain was screaming on a constant loop, reminding her that the last time she had physically been in Kara’s presence was at the airport, soft lips pressed to her own as they had whispered promises to see one another soon. Three years later had most definitely not been her idea of _soon _and the guilt was tearing her up inside.

“Here you go.” Kara interrupted Lena’s internal downward spiral as she held open the door to the coffee shop expectantly.

“Oh, thanks.” Lena mumbled as she stepped inside and made a move to join the back of the line.

“Why don’t you go sit down? I’ll get the drinks.” Kara offered as Lena nodded her response and immediately moved away to go sit down at one of the empty tables in the back, away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the shop.

She felt overwhelmed and so incredibly guilty, Lena couldn’t quite understand what was going on. In all the different scenarios that she had pictured this happening, she always imagined that Kara would hate her, that she would never want to be around her ever again and she would avoid her at all costs. She absolutely did not picture herself in a coffee shop, waiting for Kara to come join her at the table.

It felt as though her chest was about to explode from the pressure and Lena immediately closed her eyes to shut off the outside world. She tuned into what she could feel - the cool, firm plastic of the seat supporting her back. The solid floor beneath her feet. The large wooden table in which her arms were resting on. She could feel slight grooves in the material beneath her fingertips as she gently ran them back and forth over it, allowing the motion to soothe her as best it could given the circumstances.

“Hey.” Kara’s voice was gentle, but it set off the roaring hurricane of anxiety in Lena’s chest once again. “I got you a hot chocolate with vanilla and mocha syrup. You look like you could use it.”

Lena eyed the drink as Kara set it down in front of her. It was her go-to order whenever she felt stressed out and needed to lay off the caffeine, and _Kara remembered it._ She remembered Lena’s drink of choice when she was stressed out, and she knew that Lena was stressed out, and she only knew those things because they used to date and they weren’t dating anymore because of Lena.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Lena blurted out before she could help herself. “I don’t- I-.. Why are you here? With me? Why didn’t you tell me to go fuck myself the moment that you saw me?”

“I- Lena why would I do that?” Kara questioned as she sat down in the seat across from her.

“Why would you..” Lena trailed off incredulously. “Why _wouldn’t_ you?”

“We can’t just have coffee together?”

“Are we just going to pretend that I didn’t hurt you? That I didn’t break all of my promises to you and then ran off like a coward?” Lena’s voice cracked every so slightly and she immediately closed her mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.. Let me pay for your coffee and I’ll go.”

“Lena, no. Can’t we just have a drink? Just.. I don’t know. Sit with me? We can talk, I have an awful lot to say to you, believe me. For now though, please? Just sit here with me?”

“Kara..” Lena trailed off hesitantly. She wanted to run away, she wanted to find a time machine and go back to when things were okay. She wanted to cry and scream and beg for Kara’s forgiveness. She wanted Kara to hold her until she felt better, but she also wanted Kara to hate her. She wanted Kara to scream at her, to yell until Lena was sufficiently punished for what she had done.

“Please.” Kara’s eyes were filled with so much sadness that Lena was unable to do anything but stay. She figured she at least owed her that much.

“Okay.” Lena nodded a few times, more to convince herself than anyone else. “We will talk though? If you want to?”

“I don’t want to, I need to.” Kara told her quietly. “Just not right now. For now, just.. let me be here with you.”

They spent an awkwardly long time in almost complete silence after that.

Lena sipped on her drink as she toyed with a loose string on the hem of her sleeve, and Kara finished off her coffee before repeatedly running her index finger along the rim of the empty mug.

“Do you want another?” Lena asked as she gestured to the empty cup on the table. “I’ll get us some more.”

“Please.”

Lena was glad for the little break, a chance to get away from the table for a moment, but she found herself feeling strangely calm as she returned - two mugs and a plate full of cinnamon swirls precariously balanced in her arms.

“I love the pastries here. Sometimes I stop by in the morning to pick one up if I know it’s going to be a long day.” she told Kara as she set the plate down.

“I know, I’ve seen you.” Kara responded before seemingly realizing that she shouldn’t have. Her eyes immediately grew wide and her hand shot up to fiddle with her glasses as Lena sat down.

“You’ve seen me?”

“I- Uh.. Yeah.” she admitted as she reached out for her newly filled mug on the table. “I come here every morning, I usually sit over there.” Kara pointed to a little table that was almost entirely shielded from view of the door.

“Oh.” Lena’s eyebrows furrowed as she tried to process the information.

“I planned to talk to you, I really did. I just.. The first time I saw you again I couldn’t move. It was like, I don’t know.. I just hadn’t been expecting it. It caught me so off guard that I just froze.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Lena breathed a quiet laugh.

“You just kept showing up, and I froze every single time. I kept wanting to talk to you but I had no idea where I would start, or if you even wanted to talk to me, or see me, or anything. I figured you maybe would’ve tried to reach out if you were back in the city.”

“Kara..” Lena could feel herself on the verge of tears once again and willed herself to calm down before she spoke. “Of course I wanted to see you. I- I didn’t think it was fair of me to come crashing back into your life after what I did to you. It wouldn’t have been fair of me to just waltz back in and turn your life upside-down when you’re doing so well at Catco and everything.”

“You’ve read my articles?” she enquired softly.

“Of course I have. I’ve read every single one.” Lena admitted. “They’re _incredible._ You make the

stories so personal, it really draws you in every single time.”

“Thank you.” Kara’s cheeks tinged a soft pink as she brought her coffee up to her mouth and took a slow sip. “I’ve seen all the incredible things that you’re doing, too. The proposal for the new children’s hospital is just amazing. I’m so proud of you, Lena.”

They fell into surprisingly easy conversation after that - Lena filled Kara in on everything that she was currently working on and shared ideas for future projects that she wanted to get started on, and in return Kara let her know all about her upcoming articles and her recent promotion. _I don’t have a window, but I have my own office! My own office, Lena! With walls and everything!_

_ _

When a bowl of chocolate covered nuts arrived on the table in front of Kara, Lena instinctively reached out to take one and popped it into her mouth before she realized what she had done.

“I-.. Sorry.” she faltered as she eyed her offending hand. “I should’ve asked.”

“You never did.” Kara smiled sadly.

They stayed for a good few hours, way later than Lena had intended, but she couldn’t bring herself to be mad about it. It was almost completely dark outside by the time they emerged, and Lena found that she actually didn’t want to leave at all - despite everything, she felt more like herself than she had since the very day that Lex had detonated a bomb and murdered 43 people.

“Do you want to have that talk now?” Kara asked quietly as they took off aimlessly down the street.

If Lena was being honest, she hadn’t been expecting it so soon. She figured when Kara said that they would talk, she meant in the future - perhaps a few weeks or maybe even months down the line - but that didn’t mean she wasn’t prepared. Lena had been preparing for this talk since the very moment that she’d sat down at her desk and began to write out her letter to Kara. She hadn’t even known if it would ever actually happen, but she was most definitely ready for it.

“Of course, where do you wanna go?”

“Maybe we could just keep walking?”

“Sure.” Lena agreed as they continued down the softly lit path.

Kara felt silent for a long moment, but Lena didn’t want to pressure her. The anxiety from earlier was beginning to resurface as the reality of the situation finally began to sink in. This was three years in the making - this was the moment that Lena dreamt about more nights than she was willing to admit, this was the moment that she found herself curled up in a ball sobbing over on her kitchen floor. This was it.

“I wrote you a letter, too.” Kara finally began. “After I realized that you had changed your number. I even tried to mail it to you in Metropolis, but it was returned to me. They said the apartment that it had been delivered to was no longer occupied. I guess you’d already packed your bags and left before I even knew you were gone.” she trailed off before taking a deep, slow breath. “I wrote in the letter how sorry I was about everything, how badly I wanted to hold you in my arms and keep you safe from the world. I begged you not to end things with us, I knew you and I knew that you would be blaming yourself for everything but I just didn’t want you to shut me out.

I also wrote that I understood your decision, though, and I do. I really do understand it, because if I thought for a second that anything remotely related to me could potentially hurt you then I would run to the South Pole and never look back.

I was angry, for a long time. I won’t pretend that I wasn’t. You just cut me off, and even though I understand why, it still hurt me so bad. You just.. You took my best friend from me and I didn’t even get a say in the matter. I tried to hate you, in my darker moments. I was heartbroken, and angry, and frustrated and I tried really, really hard to hate you, but I just couldn’t. All I felt was this huge hole in my life where you had been and all I wanted was _you._ That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

I couldn’t see a future without you in it. You _were _my future. I could still see the places we had planned to go together, and the kids we had planned to have, and the dogs we had planned to rescue. I could see us in a cozy house with a backyard and we would have those fluffy sheets on the bed that you like. I stopped thinking about the future when I realized that it was just breaking my heart even more and I started putting all of my focus on work. I guess it paid off because I’m doing really well and everything, but I still don’t feel complete.

I wrote at the end of the letter, if we can pick this up then just tell me where and when. We’ll go back to the start again, Lena, and I meant it. I still do. I know it’s been three years, but you’re it for me.

I’m not saying I’m not still hurt, and I’m not saying that I’m ready to jump into anything, but if you want to start over then I’m willing to get to know you again.

I just miss having you around. More than anything, I miss my best friend.” Kara finished with tear tracks on her cheeks, the glow from the street light highlighting it each time she moved her face.

Lena wasn’t fairing much better herself - her jacket sleeve was soaked with her own tears and she was struggling to breathe without hiccuping. They had stopped walking at some point, but neither one of them seemed to have noticed.

“Your world would be so much easier without me in it.” Lena cried quietly. “People still have very strong feelings towards me, and I know things are a lot safer than they were, but I just couldn’t handle the thought of me bringing even more hurt your way.”

“It’s not my world without you in it, Lena.” Kara ducked her head to try and catch Lena’s gaze. “I haven’t been able to walk Cornelia Street since you left. It felt like the type of heartbreak that time could never mend, but here we are.” she gestured around them and Lena suddenly realized where they were standing.

They had walked almost all the way to her old apartment, years ago they were just inside, dancing barefoot in the kitchen, and now they stood just beneath the street light with a new beginning laid out before them.

“I’m so sorry for everything.”

“I know you are.”

* * *

Their second official first date took place a few months after their talk, and seven years after their first official first date. Lena had spent a lot of time with Kara in the weeks between - they had gone out to meals and movies, she had stopped by Catco with lunch some days and had spent her own break drinking coffee with Kara in her office during others.

Getting to know the new, slightly older version of Kara Danvers had been a privilege to say the very least - one that Lena wasn’t sure she would ever experience but was endlessly grateful that she did.

When Kara had presented her with a big bunch of pink cornelia flowers, Lena had cried so hard that she’d had to redo her make-up before their date. Kara had been the one to cry when, at the end of the evening, Lena pressed a soft kiss to her lips. _I didn’t think I would ever get to do that again._

_ _

“Mhm, I missed you.” Kara had murmured into Lena’s labia approximately half an hour after their first kiss.

“Are you talking to me or my clit?” Lena had laughed as she swatted at Kara’s head.

“Hey.” Kara had grumbled in reply. “It’s cute, okay? And it always pops up to say hello whenever I come to visit.”

“God. I missed you, dork.”

* * *

When they bought their first house together a few years later, Kara had pulled the bed away from the wall and beckoned for Lena to join her as she added the final touch to their new life together.

One that read:

_KD + LL_

_I STILL LOVE YOU_

_TO THE MOON_

_AND BACK_

**Author's Note:**

> 50 points to whoever finds the most taylor references 
> 
> come say hi on twitter - @kashymcgraths


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